Where real life and fiction meet…and touch each other inappropriately.
My wife has discovered my dirty little secret. It was inevitable. She started to get suspicious when I would hide my phone screen whenever she came near. She would ask, “Why are you smiling at your phone like that?”I’m sure the guilty look on my face didn’t support whatever lame excuse I made.
Continue reading “My Dirty Little Secret”
There is another entity that resides in my home that is neither my wife nor my children…it is also not me. Before you go off the deep end conjuring up images of ghosts, goblins, or ghouls; I should mention that the entity is the collective “we”. Let me explain how it works. I might say to my wife, “we need to do some laundry this weekend.”
Continue reading ““We” Need To Mow The Lawn!”
There is a strange and worrisome phenomenon that occurs in my home. I think it may involve black magic. I speak of the dark art of witches, warlocks, and voodoo practitioners…not the teeny bopper song by Little Mix. It involves sleight of hand, chicanery, illusion, and the Vulcan mind-meld all rolled into one. Here is a common scenario: Continue reading “It Must Have Been Behind The Pickles”
Today I would like to discuss a serious illness. Seasonal depression, or Seasonal Affective Disorder with the super-not-so-cute acronym SAD. This affliction is characterized by extreme mood changes with the seasons. Winter seems to be the season that causes the most grief, but there are some weirdos that suffer in the summer. Symptoms include, but are not limited to inability to rise in the morning, tendency to overeat carbohydrates, lack of energy, and REDUCED SEX DRIVE. So, now we know that cold weather impairs the whoopie-receptors (Yes, we have those). All of this leads to pessimism, depression, and hopelessness. (And you thought it was our country’s economic and political situation.) Continue reading “Add Sucks To Eliminate SAD”
One time, I asked my wife, “Honey, is it okay if I wear thongs?” to whatever outing we were attending.
She looked over her decidedly sexy glasses at me, then curled her lip in disgust (not so sexy all of a sudden). “I will hurl if I EV-ER see you in a thong!” she enunciated in case I couldn’t hear her, “Your hairy legs go straight into your back completely bypassing any feature that resembles a butt!” She then made noises like a cat coughing up a hairball. I got the idea. Continue reading “The Appropriateness of Thongs”