My Dirty Little Secret

Author Note: This article contains information about adult relationships and situations that may be too intense for normal persons.

My wife has discovered my dirty little secret. It was inevitable. She started to get suspicious when I would hide my phone screen whenever she came near. She would ask, “Why are you smiling at your phone like that?”I’m sure the guilty look on my face didn’t support whatever lame excuse I made.

I think the neighbors also began to notice the clandestine comings and goings at our house as they became bolder and bolder. I was being reckless and it was only a matter of time before I got caught. I…just…could…not…stop!

It all came out in the open one day when my wife came home early from work. I was caught red-handed, and the evidence was undeniable. Surprisingly, she remained very calm. She took me by the hands and said “We need to talk. You are involved in a very inappropriate relationship and I won’t stand for it.”

Then she told me I had to break up with Amazon. I glanced around at the brown boxes littering the living room floor. Some were open with the contents and packaging spilled out like a disemboweled animal. Others were still neatly stacked calling to me with their beguiling little smile from A to Z.

I looked her directly in the eyes and said, “Honey…sweetheart…love of my life, this is not what it looks like. I saw a couple of things we needed, on sale, and decided to order them.” Then I gave her my most disarming smile.

It seemed to work for the moment, but I knew she was serious about ending my relationship with Amazon. Deep down I knew I was addicted to the siren call of free two-day shipping and buy now with one-click. Amazon catered to all my desires. My shopping cart often contained 100s of items that were “saved for later.” That’s what I call delayed gratification.

After a little backsliding (and getting caught) my wife and I came to an agreement; we opened up our marriage to include Amazon, but I could only look and fantasize. When it came to actual transactions, it had to be a threesome. My wife discovered my dirty little secret and now I’ve pulled her into “the life.” I just don’t know how to tell her about Alexa.

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