I would like to take this opportunity to talk about something of grave importance. There is a portion of the population, mainly middle-aged men, who have an unfortunate physical characteristic. It is a very debilitating affliction that causes discomfort and embarrassment. These poor souls are actually missing a vital part of their anatomy.
The location of this deficiency is at the extreme upper rear leg on both sides. The absence of this curve of tissue requires the use of a medical device known as suspenders. The symptoms are often exacerbated by excess adipose tissue covering the lower abdomen.
It should be noted that this subset of the population appeared completely normal and intact as children and through early adulthood.
At some point, the pant-supporting protuberance began to recede without notice or medical intervention. It has been found that the loss occurs during the same years a man engages with the opposite sex and discovers the recreational use of ethanol (which are also known to have a direct correlation with each other.)
It is currently unknown if the tissue is worn away by the stress and unrelenting verbal chastisement of a marital relationship, or if ethyl alcohol has a corrosive effect on the gluteus components. Some experts believe that both play a major role in the ailment.
In addition to inability to support trousers, other symptoms may include, but are not limited to: a lack of confidence in the presence of speedos and bicycles, loss of balance when using a swing or whoopee cushion, an increase in alcohol consumption, and an inexplicable aversion for tights, running shorts, skinny jeans, jumping jacks, and twerking. He may also routinely ask his wife, friends, or complete strangers how he appears walking away or bending at the waist in certain clothes.
It must be known that these men’s egos will be very fragile,
and at no point should loved ones attempt to articulate what is visually very obvious. Some medical professionals have speculated that the physical impairment may be linked to a mental disorder. No studies have been conducted to date.
If you suffer from this middle-age malady, get suspenders here for peace of mind and properly placed pantalones. (Amazon affiliate link)