‘Twas The Fight Before Christmas

 

 

Greetings well-wishers and merry-makers
I used to think you shallow, happiness fakers
Then “tis the season” struck me two days past
Outside Walmart I flipped my cookies at last
I pushed down Santa and kicked over his kettle
Then stomped on his bell and flattened the metal
The fat, jolly elf cringed, his beard all askew
I laughed quite maniacally and cried a little too
A little old woman shook her finger in my face,
“Have you no remorse, not even a trace?”
I frothed and I spit as I screamed my reply
She took a step back avoiding my eye
“I do not feel bad, and I loath St. Nick!
He’s addicted to cookies and is a bit of a dick!”
I then pontificated on the farce of glad tidings
Of elves, and reindeer, and nighttime sleigh ridings
I didn’t even get to the part with the list
‘Cause my vision was obscured by a fat-fingered fist.
When I finally awoke, in the gutter I lay
Shoppers ignored me and went on their way
Dropping coins in the kettle as they had before
Exchanging greetings as they entered the store
That lady watched me clenching her fingers
It turns out she was the Yuletide ringer
I rubbed my jaw and stuck out my lip
It seems my pride had taken a trip
She said, “Now that you’re calm, please listen.”
And as she spoke her eyes began to glisten
“This time of year is not about packages or bows;
It’s not about cell phones, or gadgets, or clothes.
It’s about family and friends, and goodwill toward all,
About giving…as we learn when we’re small.
You’ve lost sight of what things matter most
Your Christmas spirit is gone…it’s toast!
So, instead of lashing out…open up instead.”
With that she hugged me and kissed my head
My heart grew warm and suddenly felt light…
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a goodnight!

Happy Holidays you filthy Animals! Being a grinch at Christmastime may suck, but Idaho does not!

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