Category Archives: My prerogative

I can write what I want to write

ruminations of a 41 year old child

Today I am 41 years old. It is not a milestone, it’s not a way-point or rest stop on the way to wisdom that we assume comes with age. It’s merely another year, one of which I swore to stop acknowledging several back. Unfortunately, there are those that say they love me, yet remind me of my advancing mortality with annual gifts and cake. I don’t obsess about death or dying, but the years seem to pass with increasing rapidity. Can’t we slow this damn bus down? I want to smell some frickin roses! Continue reading ruminations of a 41 year old child

You Might Be A Facebook Stalker

I was a little resistant to get on board with social media. I am now deeply immersed on multiple platforms; they devour hours of my day that, otherwise, would have been spent doing something productive. It’s where I get my news, do business research and reading, and follow things that interest me. I very rarely bare my soul or post excessive personal information, as so many do. I do share pictures of my family and the things we are doing, and I occasionally join a political discussion. I have been caught several times red-faced, yelling at my computer or phone. Continue reading You Might Be A Facebook Stalker

Easter Egg Hunt…Metaphor for Life?

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Easter brings with it a sense of renewal and freshness; warm weather and the resolve to get outside and tackle a yard that has been neglected since last fall. Unless, of course, it snows. Then we prefer to bundle up together and stare at the television. We are forced to brave the elements, however, for the annual Easter egg hunt. Children and parents gather in droves at the City Park. Easter dresses and bonnets abandoned in favor of winter coats and knit hats. The steamy breath of each child escapes, eager with anticipation. Continue reading Easter Egg Hunt…Metaphor for Life?

Shut Your Face

How can you be mad at this?
How can you be mad at this?

I have received some serious heat in our household because I taught my five year old daughter to say “shut your face”. It is sort of a joke between her and I; we even use it as a final goodnight after I have read a story and tucked her in. We do it in a deep, gravely voice and it never gets old. I understand that it’s probably not the best thing for a very young girl to have in her repertoire, but damn it is cute. I have decided to make it the basis for a campaign against speaking before you think something through. Yes…I do love me a good campaign. Just for the record: I feel that a serious campaign brings legitimacy to anything, no matter how reprehensible. Continue reading Shut Your Face

Facial Hair Discrimination

I recently conducted a social experiment which involved growing a full beard. I have alternated my entire adult life either clean shaven or sporting a well trimmed “Van Dyke”. The Van Dyke is a combination of both goatee and mustache and is a popular choice for men. I have observed a movement some are calling “lumbersexual”. Yes, this is actually a term used to describe a certain portion of bearded men looking to be more “manly”. Most have never swung an ax in their lives and would pale at the thought of running a chainsaw. Continue reading Facial Hair Discrimination

Reduced Sex Drive?

Got the winter blues?

Today I would like to discuss a serious illness. Seasonal depression, or Seasonal Affective Disorder with the super-not-so-cute acronym SAD. This affliction is characterized by extreme mood changes with the seasons. Winter seems to be the season that causes the most grief, but there are some weirdos that suffer in the summer. Symptoms include, but are not limited to: inability to rise in the morning, tendency to overeat carbohydrates, lack of energy, and REDUCED SEX DRIVE. So, now we know that cold weather impairs the whoopie-receptors (Yes, we have those). All of this leads to pessimism, depression, and hopelessness. (And you thought it was our country’s economic and political situation.)

Continue reading Reduced Sex Drive?

Valentine’s Day Emergency

We interrupt our regularly scheduled blog, (which generally occurs when I can put the donut down long enough to type), to address the Valentine’s Day emergency. Today men and women everywhere are waking up in a cold sweat with the realization that they have waited until the last possible moment to come up with the perfect gift, or perfect date, for their significant other. Actually its only men…women tend to have their business in order when to comes to gifts, or even just remembering important dates. Continue reading Valentine’s Day Emergency

Things I am Not Thankful For

Being a “glass half empty” sort of guy…I often notice and dwell upon the negative. In this season of joy and thanksgiving, I would like to share some things I am NOT thankful for. It starts when we are still recovering from the sugar-high of Halloween. Retailers began bombarding us with sales and commercials that hint of Christmas. Family and friends descend, like seagulls, with well-wishes and invitations. Children produce substantial literary works that pass for a Christmas list these days. I literally want to “deck the halls” by Thanksgiving. Continue reading Things I am Not Thankful For

Toilet-papering is a Gateway Crime

I have observed an alarming trend: teens and preteens are being driven around by a parent, or other supposedly responsible adult, to toilet paper people’s houses. This is an activity that consists of flinging toilet paper on a person’s home, yard, trees…and extra points are awarded if some is attached to the family pet. It is a fairly harmless prank, as there is no damage inflicted. Continue reading Toilet-papering is a Gateway Crime