In cooperation with established research entities (YouTube mostly), I have developed one sure-fire way to feel better about yourself. This method has been scientifically proven by some science guys in a comprehensive study. The details of that study are not herein important, but I wanted you to know that this is a legitimate presentation. So here it is: the surest way to improve your own feelings of worth and satisfaction is to make fun of other people. Now hold on turbo…I know that this sounds really simple and silly to begin with, but bear with me. The following is a primer on how to ridicule others and improve self-esteem. Continue reading Ridicule Others and Improve Self-Esteem→
Greetings well-wishers and merry-makers
I used to think you shallow, happiness fakers
Then “tis the season” struck me two days past
Outside Walmart I flipped my cookies at last
I pushed down Santa and kicked over his kettle
Then stomped on his bell and flattened the metal
The fat, jolly elf cringed, his beard all askew
I laughed quite maniacally and cried a little too
A little old woman shook her finger in my face,
“Have you no remorse, not even a trace?”
I frothed and I spit as I screamed my reply
She took a step back avoiding my eye
“I do not feel bad, and I loath St. Nick!
He’s addicted to cookies and is a bit of a dick!”
I then pontificated on the farce of glad tidings
Of elves, and reindeer, and nighttime sleigh ridings
I didn’t even get to the part with the list
‘Cause my vision was obscured by a fat-fingered fist.
When I finally awoke, in the gutter I lay
Shoppers ignored me and went on their way
Dropping coins in the kettle as they had before
Exchanging greetings as they entered the store
That lady watched me clenching her fingers
It turns out she was the Yuletide ringer
I rubbed my jaw and stuck out my lip
It seems my pride had taken a trip
She said, “Now that you’re calm, please listen.”
And as she spoke her eyes began to glisten
“This time of year is not about packages or bows;
It’s not about cell phones, or gadgets, or clothes.
It’s about family and friends, and goodwill toward all,
About giving…as we learn when we’re small.
You’ve lost sight of what things matter most
Your Christmas spirit is gone…it’s toast!
So, instead of lashing out…open up instead.”
With that she hugged me and kissed my head
My heart grew warm and suddenly felt light…
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a goodnight!
Happy Holidays you filthy Animals! Being a grinch at Christmastime may suck, but Idaho does not!
There are hazards to spring Sunday driving. Where we live, going for a drive has always meant heading for the hills. Driving mountain roads is relaxing and enjoyable. There is a new adventure waiting around every corner. There are also hazards at certain times of the year. The following is a hypothetical situation I have created to showcase the possible dangers of driving in the mountains in the early spring. Pay attention to the mistakes our hero “Max” makes on a family outing, and the way his wife “Jann” responds on this Sunday drive fail. Continue reading Sunday Drive Fail→
Father’s Day had me thinking a little about my childhood and some of the shenanigans I was involved in with my family. Here’s a little look back. Thanks dad.
In the mid 1980’s, in the lost time of very big hair and leg warmers, we learned about Burton Snowboards. I must have been 10 or 12 years old. I remember seeing something about it on television, but I can’t say if it was the news or some other program. My family all thought it was pretty amazing. Everyone knew about skiing; although that was for people with more money or less children than us. But snowboards, that was like surfing on the snow! Continue reading Budget Burton Snowboards→
Humorous stories about life, Idaho, and the outdoors